Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
