I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
