I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
