i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
