No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
As shirtless as possible
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
