You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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