sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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