when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
