He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
