I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
