I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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