..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
