Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize