I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
