i jhust puked up my retainher.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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