Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I need a burrito and a hug.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
