The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
