Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
