Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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