Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
