I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
