So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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