i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
