I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
ugly people sure do ruin things
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
