careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
