Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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