I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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