god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just puked most of my soul out..
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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