I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
