that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
porn star boner night. come get it.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
