I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
