that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
