I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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