I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
