Buhtt sex?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
