I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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