I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
