he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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