im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
