I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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