Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
