We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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