His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
