not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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