so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
