Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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