The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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