Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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