If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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