is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
