Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
