Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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