It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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