Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
