Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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