went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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