One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize