Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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