I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
