It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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