y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
