Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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