He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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