He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
