Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize