Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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