Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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