so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
