So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
