youre lurking in front of me
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
