there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
