Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize