Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
