she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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